NORINA MILLER

Yesterday was January 31, a very sweet day for us remembering Norina together.  It was beautiful outdoors and ‘the Brothers’ (Lee, Cole, Dale) and Ayla, Lev, Jeff ,and I had the whole day together and went to some of Norina’s favorite places –  the redwoods and the beach.  Being with the six of them – enjoying their company so – reminded me of how much Norina loved her family and friends.

Over the past 17 months, people have sometimes mentioned that they still visit this website to look at pictures.  We’ll keep it here for that, and hope that if anyone comes across pictures they’d like to share, that it might continue to be used this way.  It’s occurred to me that people might want to be able to listen to the wonderful recording of an interview of Norina by her dear friend Elizabeth for a StoryCorps project in 2011.  Elizabeth asked Norina if she would be willing to be an interview subject for Elizabeth’s preparation to teach her high school students to conduct interviews for StoryCorps.  The two of them had a delightful time talking together in the San Francisco recording booth one afternoon and the half hour recording created that day is very special – this link can be copied and pasted into a browser for those interested:  http://stopdroprecords.com/norinaelizabeth.mp3

It’s very sweet to hear Norina’s happy voice, her honesty, and the comfort and love between these friends.  In their conversation there’s a focus on teaching, since it’s one of the things Norina and Elizabeth had in common.  Norina also mentions many of the other parts of her life that were dearest to her, including – of course – her beloved brothers.  In the half hour there apparently wasn’t a prompt in the flow of the conversation that lead her to talk about her Dad, though, and it feels like something of an omission when listening to the interview.  When they did this project, I know Norina and Elizabeth hadn’t intended it to be in any way comprehensive of all that was important in her life or in their friendship.  For me, it’s easy to remember that when listening to it, and easy to remember that Norina’s profound love and admiration for her father knew no bounds – she would have talked about Jeff for hours, given the chance.

Passing the milestone of this birthday, I continue to be so grateful to all of you who hold us in your hearts.  At the same time that we miss Norina to an extent that I can’t even think of the words to express, it has been a comfort hearing from family and friends in the past few days.  It has served as a reminder that others are still remembering Norina right along with us, and of the love she shared and lives she touched.

With much love and gratitude,

Terra

It’s been a little over a year since Norina came home for hospice, and tomorrow will be one year since her passing.  We’ve been hearing from people more lately, so we know we’re not the only ones affected by this anniversary.  It’s helpful knowing other people who loved Norina are remembering her and thinking of us around this time.  It’s sweet to share, and comforting to feel less alone missing Norina.  Some people have told us that they still look at pictures on this website, so we’re glad it’s still here (thanks again, Emilly).

In a way it’s strange that it’s been a year already; it feels like yesterday that we were here caring for her, and also like a lifetime ago…  People have shared dreams or experiences in which they’ve sensed Norina’s presence, sometimes very powerfully.  We’ve had some of these beautiful experiences, too.  They’ve all had in common Norina completely at ease, light, even joyful.  The year has been sprinkled throughout with the amazing sweetness of these experiences.  And, of course, it’s also been so hard at times… we miss her constantly and profoundly, more than there are words for.

Last year in the Background section of this site I wrote that Norina’s response to the news from her doctor after her final MRI was concern only for us – amazing.  I found myself assuring her that, though I didn’t know how, we would be ok.   Later I came to realize that with those words I had made an important promise.  What came so easily for the purpose of reassuring her in that dread-filled/grace-filled moment has come back to help me so many times since.  I can feel Norina gently, but powerfully, holding us to this promise.

Gratitude, I’ve discovered, has been my key to living with this loss.  I’m grateful that in the moments of deepest grief I can still remember to be consciously grateful for all that life brings without separating the gifts from the pain, holding it all combined together, with love.  It’s been astonishing sometimes, how these moments of remembering my gratitude can bring immediate profound relief and comfort.

Lastly, the wonderful family news: Lee and Ayla’s darling little son was born on June 19 this year ~ Lev Naor Miller!  Lev is Hebrew for heart.  His parents named him for his Auntie Norina: Norina and Naor have related meanings of light, and Naor has the further meaning of a person who is a beacon or guiding light in one’s life.  Lev Naor translates to enlightened heart, and our Israeli friends tell us that it is a very poetic name in Hebrew.  Lev is a sweet, calm, adorable little baby and – it goes without saying – we’re all head-over-heels for him already.

All of the love and support from friends and family helps us with meeting each day as it comes.  Thank you so much for remembering Norina with us.

With love,  Terra

Sunday afternoon was completely amazing for our family. We were overwhelmed by the outpouring from so many wonderful people in Norina’s many circles. Her life and memory were deeply honored. We felt enormous love and support from all who gathered, and also from the many people who couldn’t be there with us for the day.

Not knowing whether or not I would be able to speak when the opportunity came, I had written out a few notes, just in case. Not surprisingly, the paper they were written on didn’t make it out to my seat with me though, so I worked from memory. uh oh… There are a couple of important things I’d wanted to say that got away from me. Would you indulge me here?

Our enormous thanks to each of you who came up to speak. Your words touched our hearts, and in combination they painted a beautiful picture of the many aspects of Norina. And thanks also to those of you who came up to tell us what you would have said, or have written your thoughts down for us to read. We treasure every single message.

As we remembered Norina on Sunday, we were also holding close in our hearts a number of dear friends and family members who have recently passed away, and others who are struggling with serious conditions and challenges. One of Norina’s practices from which I drew continuous inspiration was her daily prayers for others. She never failed in this practice, no matter what was happening in her own life at the time. She prayed for people she knew and loved, and for others she would never meet. She prayed for all of us. I have derived incalculable strength from learning the power of this practice from my daughter.

And lastly, we had wished to particularly thank Charles Haynes, Patti Cathcart and Tuck Andress for their support of our family and for the profound gifts of their talents and compassion received by all of us gathered. Charles generously carved out the time to spend the day with us, delaying his return from compelling and demanding work here in the Bay Area, back to Washington DC to resume his important work there. Charles gave his time in order to hold us all in remembering Norina and honoring her devotion to God, and we are profoundly grateful to him. Patti and Tuck, dear friends to Norina and our family since well before she came into this world, offered us all the gift of their most inspiring, transformative, and simply gorgeous music. Takes My Breath Away and Time After Time by Tuck & Patti were two of Norina’s most cherished pieces of music for many, many years. The day was complete with all of these very sweet gifts for which we will be eternally grateful.

If I’d remembered to bring it with me on Sunday I would also have read the message below from Meher Baba. This was read aloud on the final night of the shivah service held for Norina in August. She loved, and lived by this message.

WE ARE LOVING GOD IF…

If we feel for others in the same way as we feel for our own dear ones;

If instead of seeing faults in others, we look within ourselves;

If instead of robbing others to help ourselves, we rob ourselves to help others;

If we suffer in the suffering of others and feel happy in the happiness of others;

If instead of worrying over our own misfortunes, we think ourselves more fortunate than many others;

If we endure our lot with patience and contentment, accepting it as His Will;

If we understand and feel that the greatest act of devotion and worship to God is not to hurt or harm any of His beings,

We are loving God.

In lieu of any flowers, donations may be made to Coleman Advocates for Children and Youth http://www.colemanadvocates.org/ or Meher Fund http://www.meherfund.org/.

You’ll find more information on the Donations in Norina’s Memory page.  Thank you.

To those of you who can’t be with us for the memorial:

We will miss you, and at the same time we will feel you here in spirit. If you’d like to, send or post a message or memory. We have been keeping all the wonderful messages together and will cherish them. And please stay in touch. Come by the house for a visit when you’re in town, we’d love to see you.

To those of you who will be coming:

We look forward to seeing you. Try if you can to arrange to carpool up to Mountain Terrace.

Weather permitting, the service will be outside on their big lawn ~ dress accordingly. (In fact, if you’re a person who likes moving around – as Norina most certainly was – you might want to dress for the possibility of running around a bit with a frisbee or soccer ball.)

Let me know if you’re interested in hiking on Saturday. We’ll need a head count to determine the best trail: terramilner@gmail.com

with love and gratitude,

Terra

Dear Family and Friends,

We have set the date of Sunday, October 23 for Norina’s memorial. The location and time are still to be determined. We look forward to as many of you as possible joining us on that day, and hope it might be possible even for some of you who live a distance away. We can already feel how valuable it will be to gather and remember Norina together.

We continue to feel both touched and supported by every single card, call, visit, message, song, meal, treat, memory, flower, logistical aid, hug, and kind word.  We’re deeply grateful to all of you for holding us in your hearts and helping carry us as we begin to transition back into our lives, adjusting them to this tremendous loss. It helps to know you are with us remembering, cherishing, missing, and ever-grateful for our lives and loves.

At 7 o’clock this morning, our beloved Norina took her last breaths of this lifetime.  Her dad and I were both with her, holding her.  I recited Meher Baba’s O Parvardigar and Beloved God prayers as she took her last breaths.  Her brother and sister-in-law have come to be with her and offer the Jewish prayers of passing.  It is very peaceful in Norina’s room and our house.

We haven’t made any plans yet for a memorial.  It won’t happen for a little while. We’ll make a posting here when we have a plan to share.

We send out love to all of you, as I know deeply in my heart that Norina would be asking me to send her love.

~Terra

All continues to be very quiet and peaceful here.  Norina is calm and seems quite comfortable.  This afternoon and evening she has been responsive again in small ways.  At one point this afternoon, when Jeff felt she was perhaps not asleep and was seeing and hearing him, he asked her, “How are you?” and Norina turned her hand slightly into a thumbs-up position.  Several times today, when I’ve told her I love her, followed by “Jai Baba” her lips have moved to form the words back.  (The meaning is roughly: “praise Baba.”  Some Meher Baba followers say this phrase to one another very frequently, some occasionally, and some not at all.)

This evening Norina gave a little wave to Ayla when she entered the room, and she’s been helping us know how to help her be more comfortable with slight indications to where adjustments of her bedding and such are needed.  It’s been very sweet being in this two-way communication again, even though minimally.

We feel the support, prayers, and love of family and friends from all over pouring into our home and are profoundly grateful.

~Terra

Norina is sleeping very peacefully. As of last night, she isn’t waking up anymore, but is staying asleep now. We knew this stage would be coming, but it’s taken the night for it to sink in, for me to get used to it.

I spent the sweetest, most peaceful night on the cot right next to her holding her hand and dozing a little bit while she slept so soundly. There’s a small fig tree outside the west-facing window in Norina’s bedroom.  In the middle of the night, the full moon shone through the fig leaves and lit the silhouette of her sleeping face with a thin, delicate line of light in the soft, dark room.  It was an indescribably beautiful scene that I will never forget. I am profoundly grateful for these gifts.

I just added yet-another page to this site – a Guest Book, of sorts.  Thank you for being here with us, all of you very dear family and friends.

~Terra

I’m sitting with Norina in her room right now while she is sleeping very soundly.  She stayed awake and had quiet visits with a number of friends and family members throughout the afternoon, and became very tired as the last visitors were saying goodbye.

Norina has been more tired and much quieter – speaking almost not at all – for the past three days.  She answers our questions with one word, or a nod, or a squeeze of the hand.  I asked her if it is hard for her to find the words, or if she has the words and is too tired to say them out loud.  She indicated that it’s the latter, that she is listening and tracking on what’s happening around her, but is too tired now to speak aloud.  Sitting with her quietly as she rests is a very sweet, very peaceful experience.  Sometimes we can sense that she’s working to stay awake and be with us, so we try to assure her that resting is good, that we all understand how important it is for her to have good rest.

I wrote the above a few hours ago, but hadn’t hit the ‘Publish’ button.  Norina is even more quiet and sleepy tonight than she was earlier today.  We’re having a lovely, calm evening here.  Dale has been playing guitar softly in Norina’s room as she rests.  We may need the house to stay quieter tomorrow than it has been these past two weeks.  I think it would be a good idea to call us first before planning to come over.  Thanks for your understanding, and for all the continued love and support that has flooded Norina and all of us continuously over these past days.  It’s been an amazing gift – you all are amazing gifts.

A couple of days ago was the last time I asked Norina if she had a message to post. She nodded yes, but then was too tired to say much.  This is the message she asked me to post:

“I love you”

-Terra